ONCE YOU GO ORANGE... YOU NEVER GO BACK

Closet Trump supporters have got to be the worst kind of Trump supporters. They secretly love the Orange Cock, but will never openly admit it. Why? Dunno, but here are a few ideas...

1. They're afraid of what the majority of the public will think of them.
2. They're chickenshit.
3. They don't want people to think they're an idiotic, knuckle-dragging moron.
4. They know deep down it's wrong, but it feels so right.
5. They don't want to be banished to the leper colony known as MAGA ASSHATS.

So how to spot a secret Trump supporter? It's easy, and you probably know a few of them in your life already. Look for these key sentences that might vomit repeatedly and uncontrollably from their lips:

1. He's my president.
2. But Hillary.
3. But Bernie.
4. He's your president.
5. He hasn't done anything warranting impeachment.
6. Just ignore him (also: Just ignore his tweets).
7. Everything's fine.
8. This is normal.
9. We've done worse.
10. But Obama.
11. Now that he is president, I will support him if and when he pursues policies with which I agree. I won't support him when I disagree. I am sorry if that upsets you but I am what I am. (This is a direct quote from a closet Trumpie).

Also, they will never come out and attack him. In fact, if you pay attention, you will often find they defend him every time you inform them of the latest idiotic thing he did or said. But to cover up their deep love of the Orange Cock (which I believe is causing a blockage of oxygen to the brain, hence the slow deterioration of cognitive skills... I mean it's not a *big* Orange Cock, but having it in your mouth at all times does make it difficult to speak coherently) they will appear to agree with you by saying things like, "Oh, yeah he's crazy!"

So what to do with your closet Orange Cock loving buddies? Make a coming out party for them resplendent with MAGA hats and streamers, McDonalds, and lots of Diet Coke. You will be liberating that poor suppressed Trump supporter in your life. Think of the relief you will provide them by allowing them to be their true selves. They won't have to lie or cover up, or make any phony excuses anymore. They can spread their MAGA wings and fly!

After all, Nazis need love just like everybody else.