WIIIIIIIINE

Wow, I might have to go back to being an alcoholic just to try this! 

HALLOWEEN, BITCHES!

I had a good nite. Decided to go to Target for some Halloween shopping. It's difficult for me to leave the house (anxiety), but once I was there--surrounded by pumpkins, ghouls, and all manner of Halloween shenanigans--I felt much better. I bought 2 great big pumpkins (they were $5 each!), 2 strings of lights (one purple, one orange), and cobwebs. I already had some decorations out front, but tonite I added the final touch with these spooky goodies, and boy, does it look lovely! October is my month; Halloween is my holiday. I will be cheerful, dammit! Because if I can't be happy during this sweetly, ghastly time of the year, when can I?!

PHOENIX RISING

For every rebirth, first there must be a death.

TOO MUCH, TOO LATE

Now that after 36 years my mother realizes she never gave me support, her over-the-top fawnings are nauseating.

THE FLOWER OF EDEN

I think I've found my writing style: Gothic romance. I think reading Nathaniel Hawthorne has changed my life. I've only just finished "The House of the Seven Gables," but now I need to read more. I think "Twice-Told Tales," which is a collection of short stories, will be next on my list. There is a Vincent Price lead here; had it not been for watching him act in the film "The House of the Seven Gables," I might never had picked up the book. I also enjoyed him in the film version of "Twice-Told Tales" (hence why it is next on my list).

Another style/inspiration for me is L.M. Montgomery, the author of the "Anne of Green Gables" series (I just noticed the gable reference!). Though a bit later than Nathaniel Hawthorne, it's the innocent, wholesome prose that I love about her books. Hawthorne has this too, but in a darker shade. Let me be clear: my stories will not necessarily be Victorian. But the style of my writing will be drawn from that classic, dusty cobweb feel.

I'm getting that passion again--that desire that I had just sworn away but a few hours ago. I don't like these constant and turbulent ups and downs. While I enjoy that I am on a small high at this moment, I dread the inevitable fall that is bound to follow. I would prefer a more constant monotone of stability, no matter how dull. I need calmness more than anything right now.