KEEP GOING

Well, I met with my doctor today to sign up for medical marijuana. I am now in the system and will be mailing a check for $75 to the state. It could take about a month to hear anything back from them, but once I do I can order my medication (I will even get my own ID card!). This makes me very happy. Sure I could use the drugs RIGHT NOW, but I've been like this for about 36 years, so I think I can go one more month.

I need to hold it together no matter how shit awful I feel. I saw Laura today and she reminded me I get particularly out of whack whenever there is big change in my life. My beloved cat, Buster, recently passed away. I finished my medical coding internship last month and now am a fully certified professional coder. I need to update my resume and jump into this new and intimating field with no on-the-job experience. A lot of other stuff happening too, both with my health and my family's health. I love everyone in my life, and I want everyone to feel good, especially because we all felt so bad in 2017. But any minute I feel like everything could fall apart. So we'll see...

TRIGGERED

I just returned a phone call to someone I thought was from the AAPC where I just completed a coding course. Turns out it was my instructor from Sheridan Technical School from 2 years ago doing a survey from students who left the school (I signed up for coding back in Jan. 2016, but dropped out a week later due to the confusion and incompetence I witnessed in their program). I *really* did not want to have to reopen that chapter in my life. It was very uncomfortable having to explain why I left. I assume collecting feedback is part of her job for the program, but she seemed very annoyed with my answers and then the call "dropped" mysteriously about halfway through. The part that is really bothering me is when she asked if the AAPC had a job placement resource for graduates. I don't know if they do, but it made me feel weird as I am planning to go into the field all by myself with just my title (CPC) to show for it.

I've been trying to relax these last few days in 2017 and not think about work or school and this phone call just brought the anxiety I've been holding at bay back in my face and joints and heart and gut. *ugh*