MONEY! MONEY!

People wonder why I'm so cranky all the time. If you had night terrors every single night for the last 37 years, you'd be cranky too, bitch.

BECKY WITH THE BAD HAIR

I have a very pretty name, but the way my manager says it—with sarcasm and poison on her tongue—turns it into something ugly.

JOKE NAZI

If you can't handle my darkness, then I cut off the comedy. No jokes for you!

TOO MUCH, TOO LATE

Now that after 36 years my mother realizes she never gave me support, her over-the-top fawnings are nauseating.

OH MY BAD

Parents fuck you up and then get pissy 'cause you're fucked up. Really dudes?

TRY HARDER

Fear has never worked as a motivator for me. If fear is the sole tactic in getting me to join/believe your cause, you are out of luck. It is why I will never join an organized religion or support Donald J. Trump. Next!

ONCE YOU GO ORANGE... YOU NEVER GO BACK

Closet Trump supporters have got to be the worst kind of Trump supporters. They secretly love the Orange Cock, but will never openly admit it. Why? Dunno, but here are a few ideas...

1. They're afraid of what the majority of the public will think of them.
2. They're chickenshit.
3. They don't want people to think they're an idiotic, knuckle-dragging moron.
4. They know deep down it's wrong, but it feels so right.
5. They don't want to be banished to the leper colony known as MAGA ASSHATS.

So how to spot a secret Trump supporter? It's easy, and you probably know a few of them in your life already. Look for these key sentences that might vomit repeatedly and uncontrollably from their lips:

1. He's my president.
2. But Hillary.
3. But Bernie.
4. He's your president.
5. He hasn't done anything warranting impeachment.
6. Just ignore him (also: Just ignore his tweets).
7. Everything's fine.
8. This is normal.
9. We've done worse.
10. But Obama.
11. Now that he is president, I will support him if and when he pursues policies with which I agree. I won't support him when I disagree. I am sorry if that upsets you but I am what I am. (This is a direct quote from a closet Trumpie).

Also, they will never come out and attack him. In fact, if you pay attention, you will often find they defend him every time you inform them of the latest idiotic thing he did or said. But to cover up their deep love of the Orange Cock (which I believe is causing a blockage of oxygen to the brain, hence the slow deterioration of cognitive skills... I mean it's not a *big* Orange Cock, but having it in your mouth at all times does make it difficult to speak coherently) they will appear to agree with you by saying things like, "Oh, yeah he's crazy!"

So what to do with your closet Orange Cock loving buddies? Make a coming out party for them resplendent with MAGA hats and streamers, McDonalds, and lots of Diet Coke. You will be liberating that poor suppressed Trump supporter in your life. Think of the relief you will provide them by allowing them to be their true selves. They won't have to lie or cover up, or make any phony excuses anymore. They can spread their MAGA wings and fly!

After all, Nazis need love just like everybody else.

WALKING ON SUNSHINE

I'm in a "Bye Felicia" kinda mood today. And, boy, does it feel good. #EffYou

FU

I've found the problem with life's equation: People.

WHO ASKED YOU?

I'm very upset right now. I just saw a comment posted on an article about gaming addiction as a mental disorder, and the attacker bringing up the true mental disorder of "people who won't accept their gender." I get very hurt and sad when I see people online carelessly belittling the LGBTQ community. What do they get out of it? Is it truly that rewarding to be hateful to people who are different than you? Does this person know any transgender people? Does he have any transgender family members, friends, or coworkers? Is he a doctor? Does he think gay people are mentally ill as well? Is that what Jesus whispered in his ear? I decided to not even reply to his comment, because I've found it's a waste of time to argue with people who have that much callousness in their heart that they have to shit on minorities. I know in the age of Dump, trolls feel more comfortable than ever coming out of their caves and drooling their useless diatribes at people online. Sure they were always there, but now, thanks to their leader, they're emboldened. It sickens me. Why leave a hateful comment? Especially to a group that has the highest suicide rate amongst teens? What if a transgender youth were to read that (and 2 people liked the comment to boot!)? I just don't get it. It takes time and energy to say something like that on a public forum--just as much time and energy it would take to say something nice and uplifting.

BE PREPARED FOR ALL THE WHINY GUN FANATICS CRYING, "BUT OUR GUNS...!"

Man found with small arsenal on Houston Hyatt Regency's top floor before New Year's Eve celebration, police say

So this is the reality we live in in America. There is always a possibility of a mass shooting, particularly in very public places on holidays or events. I was watching the local news the other day, and the Miami Chief of Police was making a statement that they would have extra police on staff for a New Year's Eve event taking place downtown in case of a mass shooting ("So no need to worry," he insisted). I'm sorry, but this is the only country on the face of planet Earth where this happens. So fuck guns, fuck the NRA, and fuck the 30% of this country (Trump supporters) who are holding the rest of us citizens hostage.  

MEANWHILE I'M SAT HERE WITH THE KIDS, IN PAIN & SICK

So who goes out in cold weather to play fight when they've been deadly sick all week with a cold and are potentially relapsing? Then to soften the blow he buys me cookies, except they are filled with nuts and caramel, and rock hard. You can have a good heart and still be dumb as rocks. They are not mutually exclusive. Just don't re-gift me your plague, thanks.

MERRY CHRISTMAS (WHATEVER)

The movie we watched last night was called "American Movie" and it was about a guy named Mark Borchardt and his quest to make his first film. Spoiler alert: the film never got made, but he did make a 30-minute short called "Coven" (which I thought was very good). I followed the guy on twitter; he's very weird. I like him.

Today is Christmas and it's one of the worst. Kevin is sick as a dog and I'm fighting off a sore throat. The neighbors have been blasting shitty jungle music (it has the same throbbing beat) all day and some neighborhood kids got dirt bikes and atvs for Christmas and have been riding them all around our street. So it's been non-stop noise all day. I tried to lie down today to help fight off this cold, but it was fruitless. Long story short--we have shitty neighbors who like to ruin Christmas and really any day for the sake of their fun (which comes above everyone else's). I hope one of the kids have an accident. No offense, but it's illegal to drive off-road bikes in the street and they're not wearing helmets either. Fuck 'em.

I also had yard work I need to do this week. We got a letter from our association that we are in violation of a few things, namely: empty weeds from flowerbed, pull vine off porch screen, fix fence (from Irma), and open hurricane shutter on one window (we tried; it's stuck). I also am still looking for a good bit of earth for Buster's burial. And if I'm truly getting sick this is going to put a dent in my plans. Jimmy was also supposed to help me, but he's severely depressed and anxious about an upcoming interview he has on Thursday. I also have an appt. on Fri with the TMJ doc to evaluate my new nightguard (it's not working). So yeah, shittiest Christmas ever (and also saddest what with Buster being gone).

CULT 45

The sad thing is that when Dump's policies evidently begin to fail, he'll blame establishment Republicans and his supporters will eat it right up. They can't see his incompetence staring them right in the eyes.

BULLY PULPIT

Donald Trump is like the Harvey Weinstein of politics. "If you don't suck my dick and grovel at my feet and do my bidding, I will DESTROY you." It seems to be working.

DON'T FEED THE TROLLS

Getting into petty arguments with dump supporters today. I just can't.