FILTHY GORGEOUS

June is the official month of LGBTQ Pride. This is a minority group that has a high rate of suicide. Why is this? There are many marginalized minority groups out there, but for some reason the LGBTQ community is one of the hardest hit. In fact, researchers have found that attempted suicide rates and suicidal ideation among lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) youth is comparatively higher than among the general population.

As a bi-sexual woman myself, I feel it is very important that I not only support my community, but also share the truth about what we go through on a daily basis.

I suppose it's good to start at the beginning. When I was a kid growing up, I was very confused about my sexuality. I would get crushes on boys, but I was also attracted to women's bodies. For a very long time I thought there was something severely wrong with myself. I asked my mom about "the gay" and she explained it to me. But I knew I wasn't gay. But was I straight, I asked myself. Not exactly. So for years I stumbled awkwardly through my childhood believing I must be an alien from another planet, and a very broken one at that. It wasn't until I was about 11 years old, when I was reading a magazine discussing the hit single of the time, "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" by Sophie B. Hawkins, that a new notion dawned on me. The article talked about how this song alluded to bi-sexuality. Now, mind you, I had never heard of the term bi-sexual. But immediately, when my eyes rolled over that word, I knew the meaning of it and I knew that it was the best label to describe myself. The relief I felt was immeasurable.

But my joy was short-lived. The buzz in the 90s was that gay was a choice, it was a mental disease, it was the fastest ticket to hell. Quite literally, if you're gay, Jesus wants you to kill yourself. Most people I came out to were fine with it, and super supportive. I remember a comment my mom made about bi-sexuality a long time ago: "I understand gay people, but bi? Those people are just sick." She has since changed her viewpoint to one of total embrace and understanding of the whole LGBTQ community (as millions of others have, thankfully). But the fact remains, that millions more still want to eradicate these individuals from the face of the earth (and if they can't, the next best thing is to terrorize them to the point where suicide seems the only viable solution). There are still hate-crimes happening every day, and our current government is doing everything in its power to strip LGBTQ of their rights (thanks, Mike Pence and Co.)

So, on this Pride Month of 2018, I want to send a message to those targeted because of their sexual and/or gender identity (and yay for those super fluid mofos!). Hang in there! You are worth it! Fuck those who aren't in your crew, they are just too high on all their hate and superiority. They are actually insecure, unloved individuals themselves, who feel better when they take their hatred out on the weak and downtrodden. But we are neither of those things. We are humans, with love, fear, insecurities, hopes, and dreams. We want to be accepted by all, but we won't be. And that's ok. It doesn't diminish, in any way, our validity--our humanity. And there's good news. We have a shit-ton of straight allies. Yes, you can be straight and still stand with us. And I'd like to thank these allies, who fight for us even when sometimes we don't have the will to fight. We see you, we appreciate you, and we thank you.

Now, go out there and be fabulous!